


Hold On

by LeilahMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Sad, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 16:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30024399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeilahMoon/pseuds/LeilahMoon
Summary: ---He left her when she needed him the most, and now, he has to hope she can hold on.---The title for this work comes from 'Hold On' by Chord Overstreet.---
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 33
Kudos: 68





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to [Canttouchthis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canttouchthis) for helping me out in every way possible with this one ❤️ And also to [WritingFicariously](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingFicariously) for the wonderful, but devastating, banner.
> 
> If you really want to tear yourself up, I would recommend listening to '20.1338° S, 67.4891° W' by Misha Mishenko whilst reading (kudos to Canttouchthis for the rec), and then the song this fic is based on after you've finished.

Everything he said to her the night before comes rushing back to him the moment he steps through the fireplace into their living room. He rubs his bleary eyes and rakes a hand through his hair as guilt unfurls in his stomach, growing heavier by the minute.

  
Hermione had been pushing him away for months, ever since being sent on that godforsaken mission.

She hadn’t even wanted to train as an Auror, not really, and, when her partner had been hit by a fatal curse, she’d blamed herself - reviewing every moment, analysing what she might have done differently.

Ever since then she had sunk further and further into a black hole until, eventually, her days were spent entirely in bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling. 

Draco tried to cajole her; encourage her to eat, drink, wash. But it was hard, and he grew tired of watching the person he loved fade away in front of his eyes.

And, last night, it had come to a head.

She’d barely responded to him as he yelled, saying unforgivable things. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he’d told her. “You need to snap out of it.”

He hadn’t meant it, of course. He just wanted a reaction: something, _anything_. It scared him to see her like this, not knowing what he could do to help.

But, when she had simply stared up at him with those dull eyes, the ones that used to be so bright, mouth pressed together in a tight line, he lost control. 

“That’s it, I’m fucking done. You’re not the person I fell in love with anymore.”

A single tear had rolled down her cheek, but that was all the reaction he’d received before storming out of their house and going to the nearest bar.   
  


And now he’s come back, hoping to repair the damage he caused. 

Draco licks his lips nervously, swallowing the acidic bile rising in his throat. How could he have been so stupid? He loves her. Loves her more than anything. 

But he’d left her when she needed him the most, when he’d vowed in sickness and in health. 

“Hermione?” he calls, moving towards the stairs. 

She doesn’t reply, though he hadn’t expected her to. 

Upstairs, the bathroom door is locked.

“Hermione?” he tries again. “Please talk to me, I’m so, so sorry.” 

He puts his ear to the door.

There’s no noise, not even the shuffle of feet. He’d never realised that silence could sound so deafening. 

Blood pounds in his ears and his chest grows tight as he starts to panic. He slams his shoulder against the wood before remembering his wand. The door opens with a simple Unlocking Charm; he’s lucky she didn’t ward it.

Draco freezes. 

She looks so small, lying on the floor, knees pulled up to her chest. 

One single, empty, potion vial lies beside her. 

It takes a moment before his brain catches up, and then, “ _Hermione!_ ” he screams, racing towards her.

He falls to the floor and pulls her to his chest, desperate to feel a heartbeat.

She’s so cold. 

But there’s a tiny pulse, the rattle of a breath. 

“Please don’t leave me,” he begs, voice breaking.

Scrambling frantically for his wand again, he sends a Patronus to St Mungo’s, warning of their imminent arrival. 

He scoops her gently into his arms and cradles her head against his shoulder, trying to ignore how limp she feels. There’s a chill settling into his bones as he prays helplessly to anyone who might hear him.

It’s a struggle not to run towards the Floo, but he doesn’t want to jostle her.

“I’d be so lost if you left me alone,” he whispers urgently in her ear as they travel. “I can’t imagine a world with you gone.”

The overpowering smell of bleach hits him first, burning his nostrils, and then the harsh fluorescent lighting invades his senses.

He stumbles forward. “ _Help!_ ”

Healers race towards him, shouting words and phrases he doesn’t understand, pulling Hermione from his arms. 

A tall, thin man with glasses perched on the end of his nose approaches him. “What did she take?”

Draco silently passes him the potion vial, shaking his head. He doesn’t know; she probably concocted something herself.

“We’ll do everything we can,” the man assures him, patting Draco’s arm and walking away.

Hermione is rushed down the corridor and he quickly loses sight of her.

He starts pacing.

 _Tick Tock_. The incessant ticking of a Muggle clock on the wall makes him twitch.

His mind drifts back, and he’s suddenly overwhelmed with memories.

_Tick Tock._

He remembers the first time he kissed her; the way she felt pressed against him, the way she smelled like home.

They’d just finished another long ‘study’ session together during their eighth year, and, after noticing the number of times she had glanced at his lips, he’d finally pressed his palm to her cheek and drawn her to him.

It was slow and sweet, as though they had all the time in the world.

 _Tick Tock_.

He recalls the first time she fell asleep beside him.

She’d snuck into his room in the Slytherin dungeons and they’d ended up lying in his bed, talking until the early hours, and, when they’d finally realised the time, Hermione chose to stay.

He’d known she experienced nightmares, but not quite the extent to which they affected her. And, so, it had been a huge exercise of trust on her behalf. He’d held her when she screamed, and whispered into her ear when tears fell down her cheeks.

And, when they’d awoken bleary eyed the next morning, he’d held her like she might disappear.

 _Tick Tock_.

His mind continues wandering, and he’s not sure he can take any more, but then he notices the tall, thin man walking towards him again.

Draco braces himself to hear the news.

He prays it’s positive.

He’s terrified that it’s not.


End file.
